“Manchester United get all the decisions” A sweeping statement exhorted by rival fans and a myth that is perpetuated by the media even extending to the casual football observer. There is a name for this collection of people; ABU’s – Anyone But United. If you repeat something often enough it becomes accepted as a fact. Such is the strength of this belief that when Howard Webb was put in charge of the often incendiary Man United-Liverpool game at Old Trafford recently the Liverpool fans got their excuses in early with forums and social networks inundated with corybantic claims of foul play. What followed was a regulation 3 points for a rampant United side against mid-table opposition but that doesn’t tell the whole story.

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No one mentioned Webb’s bizarre decision to allow Liverpool to retain possession while one of their players was lying injured but immediately stop the game when United launched a dangerous counter attack. There was not a peep from the media or random rival clubs fans who jump on the band wagon when United are perceived to be the beneficiaries of a referring decision. Match of the Day did not feel the need to review Martin Skrtel’s professional foul on Danny Welbeck that was worthy of a straight red card or Mr. Webbs chronic failure to perform his duty and send off Glen Johnson for a clear second yellow card offence. Those at Old Trafford were left scratching their heads at how Daniel Agger was allowed to persistently foul (oh) Robin Van Persie without censure by Mr Webb. And hang on a minute, how DID Shinji Kagawa miss that sitter from 2 yards? Was it because the hapless Pepe Reina took him out before he could apply the finish? No, all of this was glossed over or ignored with Howard Webb even being commended for a great performance. This ladies and gentlemen is the ABU conspiracy in action. 

In last weekend’s game at Spurs, United were denied a clear penalty, a fact Sky briefly mentioned but quickly moved on from.  We’ve got random ABU’s on the social networks claiming United fans shouldn’t complain as “for once the decision went against them”. The problem is we hear this a lot! I’ve even see Chelsea fans siding with their hated Spurs neighbours such is the strength of their hatred for Manchester United. It’s a bit rich of Chelsea fans to chime in when they were making up RAWK-like conspiracy theories after their team was dispatched at Stamford Bridge. They had the temerity to complain about a marginal offside call and a second yellow for a man they themselves have now resorted to booing. You don’t see United fans mocking up Chris Foy in Spurs shirts or coming up with bizarre theories that football is corrupt. Maybe they need to look at recent Stamford Bridge history when some extraordinary refereeing from Martin Atkinson handed them wins over United.

Then there was Cisse’s goal for Newcastle at Old Trafford that random pundits insisted was a good decision grasping for loose interpretations of a law they haven’t bothered to understand. I wonder if they would have been so convinced had it been awarded in United’s favour. United of course don’t help themselves by winning games regardless of decisions going against them (have you already forgotten Young’s perfectly legitimate goal at The Etihad being chalked off?) thus even our own fans are too busy enjoying victories to protest too much at injustice.

I will always remember a comment by an unnamed Arsenal fan who claimed “I don’t need to see the facts I KNOW United get all the decisions”. He is by no means alone (and by the way I am excluding RAWK from this as I’m convinced that forum is an elaborate wind up) in this thinking and most fans are not interested in the truth preferring to live in ignorance. It gives them an excuse for yet another defeat against United, they can all shrug to each other and say “if they weren’t awarded that dodgy penalty we would have only lost 5-0 instead of 6-0, typical Man United”.  They’ll bleat about Fergie time like there is a law in place that only United can score in added time. Let’s take a look at the staple diet of the ABU….

The Mendes ball over the line

Spurs fans have dined out on this lament for the best part of a decade now but I simply don’t understand why. There is absolutely no way that goal could have been awarded unless the linesman took a blind guess and as we are often told “if they don’t know for sure that the ball crossed the line they can’t give it”. Let me explain, the Mendes shot was from the half way line as United attacked the Stretford End when Spurs won the ball back. The shot in question was taken so early that the linesman was (doing his job correctly) keeping up with play. From his viewpoint (looking directly at it) he had absolutely no chance of determining whether the ball crossed the line. Of course the TV replays show us that it was well over but no one except those in the East Stand would have known it was in. In fact the Frank Lampard “goal” that was awarded to Chelsea against Spurs at Stamford Bridge a couple of seasons ago was a far more controversial decision as the linesman was up with play and simply made the wrong decision. Which one do you think gets rolled out all the time by the ABU’s? How about RVP’s goal at Reading earlier this season? Again the linesman should have seen it since he was up with play. Oh no we won anyway so it didn’t matter.

THAT Sheffield Wednesday game

Such is the depth of the ABU conspiracy that this old chestnut is dragged up as the first recorded instance of “Fergie Time” despite being almost 20 years ago. This one is even used by people who “don’t really watch football” such is its purview. In this legendary game of course United scored 2 late goals in the 8 minutes of injury time to overturn a 1 goal deficit at Old Trafford and secure the 3 points that were desperately needed to win the title. Sir Alex always claims that not enough time was added on that day and he is right. What the ABU brigade conveniently omit from this story is that the referee was injured during the game and needed lengthy treatment on the field before being substituted by another referee who promptly awarded Wednesday a penalty from which they took the lead. Hang on, a PENALTY? Against Manchester United at Old Trafford??? 

United never concede penalties at Old Trafford

Never happens say the ABU’s but it’s axiomatic that the big clubs with better teams concede less penalties than the smaller clubs and over the past 10 seasons United have conceded less penalties than any other side, but that is just 4 penalties less than Chelsea, the only other team that has consistently been at the top of the league over that period. There is not major revelations to be made here other than the fact that the best times hog possession and the ball spends more time in the opposition area. Of course any ABU worth his (or her, could be a woman) salt will bring up an example of a stonewall penalty not awarded to their club at Old Trafford but for every one of them I could come up with two that were not awarded to United! And let’s not mention the soft penalties awarded to Newcastle and Blackburn at Old Trafford last season in games that cost us 5 points. 

United always get penalties at Old Trafford

Ah but United always get penalties at Old Trafford.  Again this is always likely to happen if the ball is perennially in the opposition half, a perfect case in point is that Manchester City have been awarded more penalties in the past 3 and a half seasons than in the preceding  6 seasons put together. No coincidence that as soon as they got better players (plus Milner and Dzeko) the penalties have followed. What’s probably more of a surprise is that over the past 5 seasons (including current) is that City have been awarded more penalties than United in 3 of them. Don’t worry ABU’s you will be pleased to know that United have been awarded more penalties than any other side over the past decade. Loads more? No, just the 2 more than Chelsea.  Interestingly despite wallowing in mediocrity Liverpool have only been awarded 6 penalties less than United in that period. A suspiciously high number for a side containing so many poor players no? Perhaps this is the real reason Liverpool fans are the number one purveyors of the ABU conspiracy, a useful deflection tactic from the real conspiracy; maybe people are looking at the wrong reds? 

United get the decisions in the big games

Yes but it’s the big games when United get all the decisions, it matters more I keep getting told. This complaint does not reconcile with the fact that prior to last season’s game at Stamford Bridge United had not been awarded a penalty at either Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool for 12 (Twelve) years. Along the way we’ve been denied some nailed on/stonewall/stick on (* delete as appropriate) penalties while suffering from Chelsea being awarded that soft pen Ballack dispatched in 08/09 after a ridiculous handball decision against Michael Carrick which could have cost United the title. What about that scandalous Didier Drogba goal where at least 2 Chelsea players were at least 3 yards offside at Old Trafford that DID cost us the title? Jamie Carragher’s assault on Nani going unpunished at Klanfield (not even a yellow)? What about in 2002/3 when Henry scored possibly THE most offside goal in Premier League history (yes even more than the aforementioned Chelsea incident) in a 2-2 draw at Highbury? Don’t remember these incidents? They were all against United so the media doesn’t bleat on about them. Oh and in most of those seasons United were Champions anyway.

United run the FA

Perhaps the most laughable weapon in the ABU’s armoury is the ridiculous notion that United somehow run the FA! If someone rolls this one out, you’ve found a committed ABU. Such is the mirth generated amongst United fans by this one it led to the “We’re Man United, we do what we want chant” (copied and disimproved by rival fans) and more recently to the “Gilluminatti” after David Gill was voted into his new role at the FA. West Ham fans (bless ‘em) rolled this one out after complaining about decisions against them in the Cup game. What I love about Gill’s appointment is that it’s thrown in as a reason why United get “all the decisions”, which given he has only taken the job this season contradicts the claim that United have got decisions for years! Come on ABU’s at least get your conspiracy theories to make sense. 

Liverpool’s native racist Luis Suarez was only recently bleating about United running the FA in a strange outburst that seemed to imply he should be allowed to racially abuse people and they shouldn’t complain about it.

There are far too much evidence to counter this claim but the obvious ones like banning Rio Ferdinand for 8 months for missing a drugs test (without precedence) was supposed to be a tough new stance but the moment a City player in Kolo Habib Toure failed a test they let him off scott free even letting him serve the summer months as part of the ban! Although not as big but equally ridiculous in principle was the made up on the spot 2 match ban for Wayne Rooney for swearing at no one in particular while “punishing” John Terry for a meager 4 games for making vile racist remarks. Rival fans are probably not even aware that one season Paul Scholes and Wayne Rooney were sent off in a pre-season friendly and have to serve Premier League bans missing the start of the season but the following season Steven Gerrard was sent off in pre-season and didn’t have to serve a ban. The fact is United are perfect to set the tone, as the country’s premier football club it always helps to make an example of a United player or Manager. Sir Alex has once again been asked to explain his perfectly valid comments after the Spurs game while rival managers are frequently let off without caution.

The fact the FA never follows up this example by punishing other clubs players is another matter. 

However I for one hope the conspiracy continues and love to hear the bleating of the ABU’s given its peak is when United are on top. I enjoy the games when United give hope to the nation by being behind only to ruthlessly crush those faint hopes and trample over the ABU’s weekend by staging a trademark comeback . The fact that rival fans who hate each other are united (see what I did there?) against United proves that despite heavy investment and undoubted progress by Chelsea/Man City, no club has even managed to get close to standing at the peak of the game alongside United. Outside of our own fans no one has United as a “second club” or wishes us well. Only United are big and bad enough to handle several bitter rivalries. Leeds, City and Liverpool are fighting over who is our biggest rival or who hates United the most. Arsenal try to include themselves in this, I have no idea why since they are an irrelevance.

United provoke opinion, anger and resentment like no other club and long may it continue. We don’t want to be loved by the media, be cheered on by the neutral or for random pundits to have a “soft spot” for us. The Manchester United behemoth stands alone at the apex of the game, the benchmark as well as the great evil. Hated, adored, never ignored.

 @Us_Monster